Slap-A-Bitch Contract
Last night, Jen and I had a fun dinner and discussed the ins and outs of being fat and dating. More on the dating part later…
Jen recently moved and found an old camera…OLD balls camera. She got the pictures developed and found out that she was much larger than she is now and I had a full goatee. YIKES! In the course of eating our fries and other fried foods at Old Chicago, Jen decided it would be best that I smack her if she ever gets fat again. Out of this sprung the Slap-A-Bitch contract.
It’s an amazing little bit of quasi-legal bullshit. Basically, you are able to add to the document one the spot, as Jen demonstrated as we were leaving Sam’s. OUCH! She thought I was being bitchy to the cashier person because I forgot that Sam’s would not take Visa. I simply was stating, to Jen, that Sam’s and Wal-Mart are the same thing and that it seems inane that one would take Visa and the other wouldn’t. The cashier lady informed me that Sam’s and Wal-Mart are in competition with each other. WELL FUCK ME! That must be nice. Let’s face it, the money eventually stops in the same spot regardless if it comes from Wal-Mart or Sam’s-but apparently not if it comes off a Visa credit! Right. Ok. So Jen slapped me as we were leaving the store for being rude! She apologized for me to the cashier lady. Eeeh…I’m over it. Oh, and for all of you who are all about accounting, I know they are separate entities. What I am saying is that the money from both of the businesses will eventually make it to the same wealthy person, as I don’t believe that Sam’s has a separate CEO from Wal-Mart.
Ok, so we haven’t actually created a list of things that we should be slapped for, but apparently I get slapped for bitching at Sam’s cashiers and Jen gets slapped for getting fat again. To my growing list, I would also like to add: growing a full goatee again unless it is for stage purposes, highlighting my hair, wearing glitter, getting involved too quickly, hummm…more to come.
As for Jen, Slapping-A-Bitch will be enacted for the following: getting fat, renting a U-Haul before a year and half with someone, not letting me use the pool at her apartment whenever I want, hummm…
Perhaps some people could comment on situations where I would need to be slapped? For some of you, I am going to have to limit your suggestions to one or I shall be forced to enact a temporary Slap-A-Bitch on you.
